• Justin Carr

Is anger or stress straining your relationships at the moment? 10 tips to bring you more harmony

Corona life at the moment is pretty unique and challenging with most of us balancing work and personal life from home. Lots of millennials have also left the big smoke to return back to their parent's nest with job and financial security uncertain. So, if you are in this situation pat yourself on the back because its not easy adjusting to our new way of life and circumstances. Arguments, stress, frustation, anger or anxiety may be coming up frequently for you. So I have come up with some tips that can help you as I have personally used these things myself. 

1. Nurture your own energy first because the first relationship starts with yourself. We can't be there for others if our cup is not full ourself. So that means taking care of the basics – Eat and sleep well. Develop a structure to your day even though you may be working from home and vary your working environment by perhaps going to the local cafe one day or at least go for a daily walk. This all contributes to a healthy energy within.

2. Don't put your hand in the shark tank - it's a favourite saying of mine and it easy to understand why because it can feel so good in the moment to snap at someone and to feel superior. But if someone triggers us into an angry or frustrated response for example we need to understand our own reactions and why we reach for the red 'trigger button'. 90% of the time most of us react from impulse which means you are likely to respond with that very anger and frustration which just adds fuel to the fire. So, give yourself 3 seconds to pause before you respond. Ask yourself how would I like to respond right now? Then combine the 3 second rule whilst visualising the traffic light system in your mind. Red means you are angry and about to burst, amber you are getting frustrated and irritated and green you are cool as a cucumber. Then choose how you would like to respond. Be prepared and take responsibility for your choice! 

3. Often when we are in conflict with others its because we want the other person to behave how we want or expect. Ask yourself if you can be more flexible, understanding, sympathetic in the situation. Can you relax your perspective or do you need to stand up for yourself by drawing boundaries.

4. Focus on the positive aspects in someone. Try to find the good in them no matter how hard it may seem. You have to learn to shift your mind's perspective from a biased negative one into a more positive one. This is about you taking care of your own peace of mind. 

5. Forgive yourself if you did react from that red hot place and do it quickly. Don't beat yourself up for hours on end. We are all human at the end of the day

6. Have an outcome in mind. If you want to improve your relationship with a loved one focus and visualise in your mind what type of outcome you desire at the end. Perhaps it is feeling a certain way or maybe its doing an activity together whatever it is make sure you have taken time to focus and feel it in your mind. You are telling your mind and body what you want at the end of the day. 

7. Kindness doesn't cost you anything – be kind to those around you. It can be the smallest act or gesture. Cup of tea anyone?

8. Ask a loved one or your partner how their day was or how are they feeling. Create a safe space for them to share how they are feeling.

9. You need to feel good before starting a conversation with someone or just before you enter a room? Bear this in mind. If you don't feel good don't ignore how you feel instead ask yourself if its possible for you to shift yourself into a more positive frame of mind and emotion. I know its possible as I catch myself doing this as well. It's all about making a new choice. So choose to FEEL GOOD in that moment. See what happens :)

10. Have fun and remember to laugh– you can change a situation or dynamic by inviting in some humour. It has the power to instantly transform a sticky uncomfortable situation into a lighter one instantly. Humour and laughter increases our serotonin and dopamine levels so remember to laugh at least ten times a day even if you have to make yourself laugh. My 3 year old nephew is one of my best teachers 😊 He regularly smiles and laughs as kids do and I find it fascinating. He has the most amazing relationship with himself, he laughs regularly, he brings such light and joy but yet he regularly has cries and tantrums. Yet he gets over them within minutes. I think children can teach us a lot about relationships but there lies one secret to harmonizing our relationships: don't forget the joy and innocence of our infancy. 

If you would like to learn how to master your emotions and improve your relationship with yourself and others then contact me for more info at

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